Gratitude—the quality of being thankful, showing appreciation, and returning kindness. Readiness to accept kindness. Some parts of this definition have been more challenging for me over the years, and honestly, I’m still working on them. Progress over perfection—and there has definitely been progress!
Think about something you’re truly grateful for, and while you do, try to be mad. I dare you! It may sound goofy, but here’s my point: when you’re in a state of true gratitude, it’s much harder for daily frustrations to shake you. But walk around angry and frustrated, and those frustrations will keep finding you—and eventually knock you down.
Now I’m not here to condone or suggest we all take up toxic positivity and smile and nod and pretend all is well when it’s not. Have you seen Pluribus on Apple TV? Just to be clear, I’m NOT suggesting THAT! And I stand with Carol on that one! But what I am saying is this: if we can find the moments of joy; if we can seek out more of those moments and stop, literally, hunting for more bullshit to support our claim that the world is screwed up, we can change it for the better. Even if just in that moment itself!
Before you think I might be smoking something, let me try to explain. Most days aren’t full of huge, devastating events and tons of minor inconveniences, though there are those days. Most days are mundane and mostly “fine,” with a couple of positives and a couple of negatives sprinkled in. But where’s our focus? Is it on the fact that the ice cream machine at McDonalds is down, there’s a detour on our way to work, and the guy at the checkout line was rude OR do we focus on the fact that our ice machine quit leaking and freezing up, we picked up our coffee mug and made it all the way to the kitchen safely before realizing our very favorite coaster was stuck to the bottom of it without falling and shattering into a million pieces, and our kid got in the car at the end of a long day happy to see us. Sound lame? I guess it could be, or maybe even is a little bit so. But talk about a world of difference. Focus on the positive and just let the negative be. Don’t pretend it isn’t real or didn’t happen (toxic), just don’t attach to it and let it pass.
The piece of the definition of gratitude I’d never considered is this…the readiness to ACCEPT kindness from others. I’ve always been extremely uncomfortable receiving gifts or compliments from others. Partly because I don’t want it held over my head or thrown in my face later. Partly because of some worthiness struggles. And partly because I was always afraid of being perceived as needy. I discussed an intervention with a couple of my friends, and I had it with me a few years back on one of the podcast episodes, which caused a big shift in my thinking. That if I didn’t learn how to receive as well as give, the universe would quit sending me good things bc it would just give up on me. Like this chick is just never gonna get it, so let’s invest our time and efforts elsewhere, kinda thing.
The second, more recent ahah moment was something I heard Simon Sinek say. Those who give, for the most part, do so because they want to. It makes them happy and brings them joy…I identified with that. I love nothing more than doing something for someone or giving a little something to someone and seeing their face light up. So when he explained that by refusing to accept someone’s gift or kind gesture, we are in some way stealing their joy, I was struck. I’d never thought of it that way. That, by me saying no, no, no, I appreciate that, but I can’t accept. I was robbing THEM of their kindness and ME of the opportunity to be grateful. Simple, yet profound. Most things I’ve come to realize are.
So for me, I will continue to find as many simple moments of joy in my day-to-day life as I can. Make it a game even. Noticed three today? Shooting for four tomorrow! I will also continue my love of providing some of those moments in other people’s lives. Complimenting someone on their new haircut or glasses. I bought the coffee for the person behind me. Letting someone into traffic. And, I will continue working on better openly accepting those moments when intentionally provided by others. Bring on the gratitude!
