We talk a lot these days about boundaries and the power of no. And don’t get me wrong, learning to say no to people, places, and things that no longer serve you is a game changer! And boundaries? I shared in my book that it took me to my mid-40s to even know what they were, let alone begin to establish AND then hold them. I’ve also said more than once that learning about them as part of writing my first book changed my life!! No, that’s not strong enough. Those fuckers SAVED my life! But you know what is even more impactful than learning to say no to others?
LEARNING TO SAY YES TO YOUR OWN DAMN SELF!!!
Now THAT will change everything!!!
As women, we are raised to believe that the comfort, safety, and happiness of those around us is somehow our responsibility. We spend years shrinking our needs, ignoring our desires, and denying ourselves the same things we kill ourselves to provide to everyone around us. I don’t know if it’s years of experience, lessons learned, or ever-decreasing levels of estrogen that cause this midlife revolution, but here we are!
I swear it happens just like that, too. We wake up one day from a tumultuous night attempting to sleep, with boob sweat aka humiditittie, and enough pent-up energy to throat punch someone because you know, why the fuck am I the only one doing anything around here! So here comes the “no thanks, I’ll pass”. Then the falling off of different relationships that just no longer work. Some loss for sure.
But then something magical happens. You re-meet you! The real you. The full-on bottom line core you that’s been there all along, but suddenly she’s smiling again and bigger. She’s showing up as herself unfazed by the side eyes from the folks in the bleachers observing and judging, but never actually in the fight! The freedom you feel in that moment is like nothing else. Trust me.
I had the opportunity to say a big YES to myself when I received a single ticket to the Kelly Clarkson residency in Vegas. And you know what??? I didn’t hesitate for a single moment! I graciously accepted the ticket with tears in my eyes, booked my flight (SW points never expire), booked my room (love an MGM comp), and off I went! Allie 2.0 headed to Vegas.
I did a pool day working on some things while lounging, turned my slot free-play into a decent chunk, and treated myself to a massage in Chinatown. If you ever need a referral for a massage in Vegas, I have the spa and the masseuse for you!! No Karen, no happy endings!!! Just an incredible massage!
I ran into a member of a book club I was invited to attend to discuss my book at the airport, and was invited to join three of the members and their husbands for dinner before the show. Three longtime married couples and me! It was fantastic, and being the 7th wheel was an absolute pleasure! I also ran into an old friend from my days as a Marching Miner in the UTEP marching band, who then became a pharmacist, I worked with when we were all grown up (at least by my standards). He was there with his husband, and they invited me for drinks after the show!
Kelly was spectacular in all the ways that draw me to her. She’s real. I was in row five and had an absolutely fantastic time! Can’t wait to be interviewed by her one day on her show, as AJ predicted in the book! And all this because instead of coming up with all the reasons I couldn’t and I shouldn’t. Instead of saying, well, I’m building a business and really shouldn’t splurge at all. Instead of feeling unworthy and like I hadn’t “earned” this, I just fucking said YES!!!
This may seem so simple it’s silly. But think about it. Really dig deep. How many times have you missed out on something and passed up an opportunity? Not had the adventure. Not experienced the thing. Because you didn’t make yourself smaller, didn’t shrink yourself, or discount your worth, but instead embraced it.
I promised myself when I took this leap of faith that I would say YES to any new experience or opportunity it brought my way. So podcast appearances were scary, but check. Starting a blog, who would read it, but check. Record an audiobook with this voice, but check, and it’s almost out! Book club appearances seemed intimate and risky, but I made new lifelong friends. So many gifts and so much support from people all around me who resonated with something in my book strongly enough to act on it. So here’s to all the YES’S I have left to give! They’ll look amazing floating around with all those flying fucks I’ve already got out there!!
