Picture this…I’m sitting on my couch, drinking my coffee and preparing to wake up the demon spawn for school on the morning of my 47th birthday. I look down and see that the heels on the socks I’m wearing have finally worn through into holes. Normally, not a big deal, but today it hit differently. Today, I thought that with family estrangement, divorce, and job loss, there is no one left in my life who knows that my favorite socks in the world are Bombas. Why Bombas?? Well, because they give a pair away for every pair you buy. They have this added loop of support around the section that holds your arch. And well, they’re cute so there! I didn’t linger on it as it was a passing thought, but it did hit me a bit.
Now I’ve moved on to a Birthday breakfast with a couple of past team members, and after laughing, chatting, and catching up, they invite me to open my gifts. Beautiful, and VERY me, Kindra Scott earrings from one, and then a few different, precisely and intentionally selected items from the other. A new pair of pajamas, as she knows I live in them this time of year (fall if it ever shows up in West Texas). The perfect collapsible tote to throw in your travel bag for those extra momentos! A beautifully scented candle and drum roll please….BOMBAS!!!
Yup. I cried. I mean no sobbing or snot running, wailing, or anything to cause a scene at breakfast, but there were definitely tears. She, of course, was concerned something was wrong, and then I told the two of them they wouldn’t believe this, but….and shared the moment I’d had about these socks just this morning. Then we ALL three cried because in that singular moment, all three of us truly knew what we meant to the other.
Both my birthday and the one-year anniversary of my survival and departure from corporate healthcare just passed. To say I’m in a different place than I was a year ago would be the understatement of the year! Freer and more me than I’ve ever been in my life, Absofuckinglutely! But also, most definitely a changed person. I choose to believe for the better because now I operate from a place of discernment, reciprocal love and respect, and boundaries.
When so much of us is wrapped up in our careers, finding our footing again when there’s upheaval can be quite the journey. I stayed FAR longer than I wanted to, or in perfect 20/20 hindsight should have, but I truly loved and felt responsible for the team I’d built. People who followed me from previous roles and helped me grow as a person and a leader every bit as much as I helped them. People with whom I’d shed blood, sweat, and tears to build something incredible. People I’d work with for 14 years and survived a global pandemic while running hospitals, for heaven’s sake. I just couldn’t leave them to fend for themselves with what I knew would be a very difficult transition. And yes, Karen, the benefits and pay were certainly effective “golden handcuffs” given my status as a single mama. So I’d stayed.
And then when it happened, my things were discarded on my front porch, and several of those I’d considered family disappeared overnight. No calls or texts to check in. No offers of support or encouragement. Just deafening silence that brought with it the heartbreaking realization that perhaps I’d stayed to protect and serve folks that were there only to profit off me. That’s some hard stuff to see when you gave your heart and soul to the team!
BUT…the lesson here? There are a few that are still around. That check in. That care. That KNOW me and KNOW who and what I am, and love me for it. The handful that are grateful for the impact I had and say as much. That sends holiday messages and has jokes when my Cowboys fumble. Those who know and say what we built will never be the same because, without me, it’s no longer really a team. It’s no longer an inspired and motivated group building and growing together. It’s now just the master puppeteer and his manipulative tactics that provide a necessary paycheck and security. And in THAT lies the lesson.
Your legacy won’t be defined by your title or resume. It will be how people feel after meeting you. Be unforgettable for the right reasons.
